Good afternoon ladies and gentleman,
The J.C. is back in Ohio after a wonderful vacation in Chicago. It has come to my attention that some readers have been incorrectly referring to the J.C. as the "Jonathan Chronicles". Fortunately, I can correct those who have been misled. The J.C. stands for the Jonathan Clause. It has also come to my attention through some readers that my last edition was a little weak. I do remember saying that I would take requests from people for story ideas, but since this has not happened, I know reserve the right to write about what ever I want to. I stick my tongue out at all my critics (in a playful, friendly manner of course)!
Compulsive shopper? Buying a one-way plane ticket? Get ready to the visit the federal authorities, the next time you decide to travel by air!! The Washington Post has reported (September 9th) that a new screening system modeled after the terror alert color system (ya know, yellow=elevated...) will be put in place to weed out those air travelers that may have terrorism on their minds. How will this be done? Sara Kehaulani Goo's report states, "Passengers will be assigned a color code -- green, yellow or red -- based in part on their city of departure, destination, traveling companions and date of ticket purchase. Most people will be coded green and sail through. However, up to 8 percent of passengers who board the nation's 26,000 daily flights will be coded "yellow" and will undergo additional screening at the checkpoint, according to people familiar with the program. An estimated 1 to 2 percent will be labeled "red" and will be prohibited from boarding. These passengers also will face police questioning and may be arrested." Are they serious you ask? I am afraid so.
The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has flown into a little turbulence (get it? turbulence...hahahaha) in attempting to test their screening process, entitled CAPS II. The liberals and conservatives are beginning to vent on this issue. Ms. Goo continues, "Under the new program, the airline will send information about everyone who books a flight to the TSA, including full name, home address, home telephone number, date of birth and travel itinerary. If the computer system identifies a threat, the TSA will notify federal or local law enforcement authorities. The agency has not indicated the number or type of personnel needed to oversee the program. The TSA will check each passenger in two steps. The first will match the passenger's name and information against databases of private companies that collect information on people for commercial reasons, such as their shopping habits. This process will generate a numerical score that will indicate the likelihood that the passenger is who he says he is. Passengers will not be informed of their color code or their numerical score. The second step matches passenger information against government intelligence combined with local and state outstanding warrants for violent felonies." This is a definite recipe for disaster. How do I know? The ACLU is already put their half-a-cent (no NOT 50 Cent) opinion in, so look for this to be a very interesting debate along political lines. In fact, here is a fictional portrayal of how the new CAPS II system will work...
Instead of informing shoppers of sales or new store openings, stores are going to have to tell shoppers to scale back their next trip to the grocery store or mall. "Attention Wal-Mart, Sam's Club, and or Costco shoppers! Those who buy in bulk, beware!! That twenty pack of paper towels may push you from green status to red status the next time you fly!" Imagine going to the airline ticket counter and being denied access to a flight because you bought a new toothbrush and deodorant for the upcoming trip. "But I needed that stuff, and it's a seven hour flight!!" you explain to the airline personnel. She exclaims, "Well, I'm sorry sir, but our records show that your infrequent buying habits of these materials puts the rest of the passengers in jeopardy!" Or how about this one. "Sir, I'm sorry but you have been removed from the flight because you bought an excessive amount of diapers." The weary and now angered traveler shouts, "Are you serious?!! That's all they had was the forty pack of Huggies!! They were out of everything else! My kid needed those diapers; it was two in the morning!!" How about this one. "I'm sorry sir but that last trip to McDonald's put you into the red category." "But I only had a number 4!! How could this happen, I AM innocent." "Sir, you may THINK you're innocent but nobody told you to supersize the meal!" People will be afraid to buy anything because they may have their face on the eleven o'clock news as a terror suspect the next time they fly. Instead of getting rewards for buying items and products, now "valued customers" may be looked at as "possible terror threats".
Well that's all I have. Have a wonderful rest of your day.
Jonathan
P.S.
And remember, that late night run to Steak N'Shake or Denny's may catch up to you in more ways than one. Instead of gaining that extra five pounds, you may be carrying five pounds...in handcuffs, legcuffs, and electronic bracelets. You may think that dress in Nordstrom's would look good on you, but just remember that bright orange jumpsuits never go out of style.
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