August 26 ,2003 The Jonathan Clause Issue #3

Ladies and gentleman,

Good morning to you all from the okay state of Illinois!! (why is it just okay, because Ohio is the best) I am in the Chicagoland area visiting my family, some friends and trying to find a job. The production crew that assists me has done a wonderful job getting the J.C. ready for the trip.

I had a visit yesterday from the HP. You may be asking, who's the HP? The HP is the Hypocrisy Police. Chief Donutizzle (he's Snoop's 7th cousin) came to tell me to tell you (the VERY educated readers of the J.C.) that the ELF (earth liberation front, cousins to the animal liberation front) has launched another offensive. How should I describe the ELF? Let's say they fight crime with crime. Most recently, the cities of Arcadia, Duarte, and West Covina (all housed in California) were subject to the ELF's violence. Saboteurs ruined a number of SUVs at dealerships in these three cities. Slogans were spray painted on the sides of these vehicles and some were set on fire.

Now, here's where Chief Donutizzle comes in. The ELF's three main guidelines are as follows: "to inflict economic damage on those profiting from the destruction and exploitation of the natural environment, to reveal and educate the public on the atrocities committed against the earth and all species that populate it, and to take all necessary precautions against harming any animal, human and non-human." If the ELF is for the protection of the natural environment, then why the heck are you setting Hummer H2s on fire?!! I'm sure that setting a car on fire would cause more damage to the environment than actually have that particular car take a short drive around the block. They can't be serious! Not only do these concerned citizens of the Earth set fire to cars but new housing developments too. In fact, the first page of their website has a picture of a wooden frame of a new home or barn set ablaze with the slogan, "every night is earth night" under the picture.

I do understand that the guidelines for SUVs and trucks are not meeting fuel efficiency standards and environmental standards. The automobile manufacturers could be doing a lot more to solve this problem. So are the ELF members justified in their cause? In order to stop crimes from happening do we need to commit more crimes? Did I mention the ELF's arson workbook, which details how to commit arson. Just ridiculous. But I'd like your opinions on such matters as these...

Have a good one.

Jonathan